November 23 (Day 30) And Across the Finish Line We Go...

My first 30 Isagenix days are complete.  The cleanse process works well for me and here are (for reference) my starting and finishing statistics.

WEIGHT AND MEASUREMENTS TRACKER
	DAY 1	DAY 30	TOTAL
DATE	24/10/2013	22/11/2013
BODY FAT %	50	47	3
WEIGHT	230	214	16
NECK	16.875	15.563	1.313
UPPER ARM (LEFT)	14.500	13.250	1.250
UPPER ARM (RIGHT)	14.375	13.563	0.813
CHEST	46.500	44.750	1.750
DIAPHRAGM	41.125	38.250	2.875
WAIST (at belly button)	54.500	40.375	14.125
ABDOMEN	48.063	45.438	2.625
BUTTOCKS	46.500	44.000	2.500
UPPER THIGH (LT)	28.500	24.938	3.563
UPPER THIGH (RT)	29.000	25.188	3.813
CALF (LEFT)	17.125	16.500	0.625
CALF (RIGHT)	17.500	16.438	1.063
UPPER KNEE (LEFT)	20.000	18.313	1.688
UPPER KNEE (RIGHT)	20.500	18.250	2.250
TOTAL INCHES	415.063	374.813	40.250

I'm sorry the copy/paste didn't make it look any better - in a pinch (and early in the morning) this is the best I can produce for you right now.

The bottom line is that I have taken off 3% body fat, 16 pounds and a little over 40 inches.  As you can see, the measurements cover a whole bunch of different areas.

So where does this leave me with the experiment? I'm going to keep going.  Ideally I should be between 130 and 140 pounds and, of course, we all have that magic number of 20-25% body fat... I'm a woman in my 40's so that particular ideal may not be realistic for me... but the bottom line is that I still have a long way to go before I hit my own personal goals.

I took last night and will take today "off" cleansing - I had a (month long) brutal craving for Chicken Korma, rice and Naan bread through almost the whole cleanse and bought that from our local Indian restaraunt last night and celebrated with a plate of that and a pint of Strongbow cider.  After dinner I went outside and chopped wood for an hour - not enough cardio to justify that particular meal, but since I still have about 4 truck loads worth of wood out there to split, I am going to just be "OK" with eating some of the things I want to eat only for today. Surprisingly, though, there aren't any sweets on the list of things I want at the moment!! Tomorrow I will get right back to cleansing so that I can continue as I have started.

I will leave you with something I use for setting my own personal goals in hopes that, if you are reading this and want to set some specific goals of your own (be they weight loss or any other goals you have) remember to always make your goals SMART ones. Essentially SMART goals are:

• Specific - the goal should be as specific as possible - if manifesting a thing, get creative!
• Measurable - have numbers attached!!
• Achievable - whatever the goal may be, it needs to be something doable. a half marathon is doable in 3 months, with training... it is not doable in one week without training at all...
• Realistic - as for this one, I ask myself "is the goal realistic to my life, to what I am able to do for myself and for others and am I being honest with myself in the time frames?"
• Time Oriented - ALWAYS have a goal date - this allows for time lining backward. Project management 101 comes into play here - setting those time lines and milestones WORKS!

All the best in your journeys - wherever they may take you.

If you have enjoyed my writing and would like to read more about my ongoing journey, I invite you to check out my ongoing and long-term blog at :SeaDreamersDreams It is a mish-mash of things that happen in my daily life - projects I am working on and snippets about things I am learning and enjoying. 

November 21 & 22 (days 28 & 29)

30 day journey is almost over.

Work has been crazy busy these last few days and so by the time I have been getting home, having dinner and relaxing a bit, well, blog posting hasn't been on the top of my list...

Some observations from the last 30 days:

• with the exception of the first couple of days, the calorie reduction and change in eating habits hasn't left me hungry
• yes, deep cleanse days are different - but honestly, I seem to manage them well and because I was drinking lots of water and having the approved snacks throughout the day, I was actually not hungry - and I am surprised over that discovery.
• oh - cleanse days DO leave me feeling really cold.
• I have been sleeping better - deeper, better quality sleep.
• I am feeling more energetic throughout the day - busy days at work don't leave me feeling completely wiped out and my stress levels seem to be lower (and with the job change on the immediate horizon, this IS a plus)
• I have measurable weight AND inch loss - my trousers are now officially in need of replacement with a smaller size!
• my double chin is all but gone!

While I haven't noticed any difference in my skin (this is also something that some people have mentioned) I have to admit that I also haven't paid any attention to that.

Being on this program has forced me to look at a few things in my life that I haven't given consideration to ever before. It has forced me to make some better meal choices and also forced me to ensure that I plan meals ahead of time.  I am making wiser choices and I am trying to be more CONSCIOUS of the things I am doing for my health.  For ME

Final post with all of my pre and post 30 day challenge measurements and results will be posted some time on Sunday.

Thanks for listening! 

November 20 (Day 27)

This morning was day 2 of the "get out of bed and go for your walk BEFORE anything else and HO-LY CRAP it was cold out there this morning! I tell you this, I was most DEFINITELY awake when I got back into the house!  It was clear as a bell and sunny most of yesterday so there wasn't any icy bits - thank God - because Jasmine and I POWERED through today's walk in record time!

4 days left (including today - it is 7 AM here) on this cleanse.

So what do I want to accomplish in 4 days? Well, at this point I want to stay as stress-light as possible... I know I won't stay stress free - the last 4 days of this cleanse with last 4 days in this office... there is a lot I need to wrap up in the next 4 days and I just need to keep myself  "up for the task."

So how am I going to do that?  For one thing, I just placed an order for some additional Isagenix products... I have enough here for my next 30 day cleanse already, but if I'm going to succeed (and not have any freak-out stress eating days where McDonalds sounds better than a chocolate shake on the way home from work) I'm going to need some extra ammunition... and so have ordered a couple of "extras" as well as another 30 day cleanse kit (with the shakes in packet form for easy transport for the new dinner regime) so that I have some extra energy and vitamin support on hand.

At this point I'm trying out some of the other products ordered including their Brain Boost and Sleep combination, some of their vitamins (I'm curious about Product B and Telomere (sp?) support) and also their powdered fruits and powdered greens. Oh, and I ordered more fibre snacks - the Peanut Chocolate Chews are addictive and remind me of a peanut butter cookie (with crunchy peanut butter) mixed with chocolate chips... it takes care of some of my sweet tooth needs...

Anyhow, 4 days until the "final weigh in" and last set of measurements.  Saturday morning will be a busy one!

Oh - and one of the gals I work with cornered me yesterday and told me that she hadn't seen me in a week and that the changes to my shape are really starting to be noticeable...

November 19 (Day 26)

With the new job starting a week from yesterday, I'm making some small changes this week to how I manage some of my time. 

I'm still up at 5:30 in the morning - that's a given.  I'm used to it and having the 2+ hours to wake up, have breakfast, walk the dog and get ready before leaving for work is just something that I need now.  When I first incorporated this plan into my routine (MANY years ago) people thought I was nuts.  I suspect there are many people out there who still do... but this is just something that works for me and helps me start my day right.

The changes I am making this week are not to the amount of time I spend on things, but rather the order in which I am doing them. Today is day 1 of the new schedule and here's the thing.  It isn't a big change - all I did was put the dog walk at the beginning of the schedule. It wasn't frozen or raining (now becoming the norm for here in winter) and so we did a pretty good pace and I was home and having my shake before 6:30.  This timing change will actually allow me to start incorporating longer walks a couple of mornings a week once we start getting into spring light and temperatures - even with having to add a 40+ minute drive to my mornings.

I'm constantly surprised at how small changes can make such big differences.  Maybe that is part of what this is about - learning how to make small changes that make big differences over time.

And hey - my double chin is actually almost gone!  My boobs are shrinking too - that's no cool - but the freedom from my double chin is most definitely a cool thing!

November 18 (Day 25) Coming into the Home Stretch

Last night I read through my posts from the beginning... The biggest thing I think I noticed is that there has been a change in my tone.  I don't sound quite as angry or sarcastic in the recent posts as I did at the beginning.  I suspect part of that is that I am feeling something that I haven't felt in a really long time: HOPE.

As I come into the home stretch (to be clear, from the experiment of the 30 day cleanse and trying a new system - not the final stretch of these new habits I am trying to incorporate into my life) I am reminded that sometimes the goal isn't the most important thing.  Sometimes the journey you have to travel to get there is the most important thing.

This journey has been one of learning (and since I love to learn, this journey is a treat) and I think I am starting to learn some things that I haven't actually learned before.  People have tried to teach me, but for one reason or another, I just wasn't able to absorb the truth of those lessons.

Once upon a time I was a runner.  My knees aren't bio-mechanically made to be a runner - so I cannot be a runner any more.  I miss running.  I miss the meditation of the breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.  I miss it dreadfully. When I was learning to run (yes, I had to actually learn how to do it) I remember my first interval was 5 minutes running followed by a minute of walking recovery time.  5 and 1.  5 and 1.  5 and 1. The very first night I thought I was going to die - I had a stitch in my side, was wearing old sneakers that should have been thrown away years before, a bra with no support... suffice it to say, it was miserable. Do you want to know what got me through it? I said one thing to myself then, that I still use today.  "Erin, you can do ANYTHING for 5 minutes.  This is nothing.  It is 5 little minutes.  You can do ANYTHING for 5 minutes!"

If you read my other blog (SeaDreamersDreams - also at blogspot) you will know I am in love with lists and SMART goals and a whole pile of other stuff that I have learned over time - stuff that works for me.  I have a long list beside me right now. With the exception of one item on the list, everything is written in red ink.  The one thing on my list in black ink is this: "Do this one day at a time."

I guess that's what the last 25 days have taught me - and that is what I will take into the home stretch of this cleanse and then beyond into the next 30 days.

Do this one day at a time.

I can do anything one day at a time - ANYTHING.

November 16 & 17 (Days 23 & 24)

I caved.

I stood on the scale this morning and did all of my measurements.  Yeah yeah, I know I was going to wait until day 30 - blah blah blah.  I decided I wanted to know, TODAY, where I stand.

Plus, next Saturday morning (official day 30) is going to be a bitch of a morning for me, so I thought it couldn't hurt to do something today and see where things are actually at.

Officially I started at 50% body fat. 230 pounds and overall measurements came in at a total of 415.063 inches. Yes, I am Canadian and yes, I am doing this in inches and pounds. 415.063 inches is scary - the centimetre number is 1054.26 CM - that's HORRIFYING to me. Yes, I know it is exactly the same but still...

 Today I measured at 47% - that's a 3% overall loss.

Today I weighted in at 215.5 pounds - a 14.5 pound loss.

Today I measured in at 378.750 inches - a 36.313 inch loss. That's a little over three FEET of inches lost.

I have also been giving more thought to the question of what is my "why" a hard question, for me, to answer truthfully.  You want to know why?

Looking back at pictures of my younger self - my self of 20 years ago... I was gorgeous. I was confident and I was FULL of piss and vinegar.  I was vibrant and I had a damn good idea of my place in the world. Where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. Somewhere along the way she lost confidence.  She got smacked around by love a couple of times - quite badly - and she started to feel she wasn't worth it - she wasn't good enough and she never would be good enough.  So she made friends with chocolate cake, cookies, chips and candy. The never left her, they never made her feel like she wasn't *enough* and they NEVER cheated on her.

I wish I had a time machine - that I could go back and put my arms around her and tell her that this is not all there is - that there is so much joy to be had and to PLEASE not give up on herself, on love or on any of her REAL dreams.

I have no time machine.  I can't do that.  And quite frankly, she was (OK, still is) a damn stubborn rock-headed twit sometimes, and probably wouldn't have listened to me anyhow.  God knows, she didn't listen to other people who tried to tell her that "this isn't all there is!!"

So here is is.  Here is my why - all laid out, fat and naked on the kitchen floor.

I want to be the woman who stands up front and laughs in pictures - not the one I am - the one who tries to hide behind pets, children, objects and other people.

I want to be able to go for a long walk, or a long bike ride with other people without being scared I am holding people up (or worse, scared they can hear me huffing and puffing while I TRY and keep up.)

I want to be the woman who walks into a room and feels confident that people see me for the person I AM, not the weight I am carrying around with me - and all of the things that that weight means.

I want to go out there and DANCE, damn it - not to stay home and just wish I was out dancing.

I am so much more than this.  I am so much better than this. Its time for me to stand up and prove to ME that I am worth it, that I am special, that I am all of the things that I hope I am and think I could be.

This is my "why"  The "why" I have had so much trouble admitting to. The "why" I have spent so much time and energy being scared that maybe I  wasn't worth, or deserving of.  The "why" that I am tired of trying to hide.

Admitting to it is scary as hell, but surprisingly, not as painful as I thought it might be.

November 13, 14 & 15 (Days 21 - 23)

Holy smokes - time is running away from me - FAST!

My 30 days cleanse is 23 days into process now and I have officially made it a habit (it takes 21 days to make a habit) and things have been REALLY busy for me these last few days...  But I managed to listen to Wednesday night's coaching call and also to pay attention to some of the little video clips that my coaching team has been sending out.

Some of the gleanings this week that have been provoking thought are:

1) What is my "why" for doing this?

Off the top of my head my biggest "why" is myself.  I haven't been happy for a long time and have known for a long time that part of my unhappiness has been linked to how I have been feeling about myself.  I couldn't fit my clothes properly) and I HATE shopping for clothing - a by product of how I feel about how I look.

Smaller "why" reasons include my family - my nephew in particular.  That little boy has been the very centre point in my heart since the day he was born.  He looks at me with love.  He sees me as his perfect auntie an I don't ever EVER want that little face to see me the way I have been seeing myself.  I want to be the best me possible - so I can live a long life and watch him grow.

Those are a couple of my "whys"

Tonight's video clip was all about habits, starting them, changing them and setting myself up for success.

Tonight's steps included:

1) Writing out a list of habits I want to create in my life.

2) Choosing 1 habit to do consistently for 1 month

3) Linking a new habit (or behaviour) with a current neutral behaviour that I am already doing

4) Tackling 1 new habit every month.

The "jumping off" point is making that list of habits.

- I want to get exercise of some sort EVERY day

- I want to feed myself with better choices - meaning that I will need to research and try new recipes

- I want to start LEARNING again - not just work related, but external and personal interest learning

- I want to get myself out there and actually be open to starting to meet men again.

Starting with the top of the list.  That is my immediate challenge to myself.  exercise EVERY day.  The easiest way for me to start with this one is to ensure that I walk my gorgeous dog each and every day - not just on work days.  30 minutes, first thing every morning.

Wish me luck!

November 11 & 12 (Days 19 & 20) - Food for Thought

No pun intended.

I have 10 days left to go in this 30 day cleanse. I already decided that I will continue this journey - the benefits and how I am feeling have already proven themselves worth the cost of the program.

Today I had a call with my coach.  We discussed my "homework" from our last call and I have now got some new questions to think through.  These ones are ones I think I am going to have to put real thought into - they aren't questions that I think I can actually answer in one sitting.  I may actually need to put pen to paper.

I'm going to invite you to put thought into your own personal answers for these questions.  They are provoking and uncomfortable but really great things to actually work on finding answers for.  I also believe that these questions have answers that will change over time - so these questions are going to end up being ones I give thought to every few months. Here they are:

Who do I want to be known as?

What kind of partner does that woman attract?

How do I want people to describe me?

The answers first and last questions are twofold.  I can put out all of the internal / emotional / spiritual words, but I haven;t actually given any thought to the PHYSICAL ones.

The second question is one that I have never given thought to.  

November 8, 9 & 10 (Days 16, 17 & 18) - Hara hachi bu

Things at work have been very busy this week - with the announcement about my going to another branch for a year and the subsequent work hand off (and the mad scramble to get some major deals closed before I go) I'm feeling pressure and stress, but surprisingly not feeling the need to put food in my mouth to combat the stress.

Is it a change in the mental patterns?

I'm not sure.  Whatever it is, though, seems to be working in my favour.

I'm drinking what still feels like gallons of water and I'm sleeping like the dead most nights (well, until I wake up in need of that 3 AM pee anyhow!) and I would have to say that 90 percent of the time I've got my "thinking about food all day" thing under control. 

On that call on Wednesday night - the emotional eating one - the speaker (who is also my coach) reiterated the fact that we should all be eating until 80% full. 

There's a Japanese phrase for it  "Hara hachi bu" - and when I went looking for some more information about it I found out (courtesy of Wikipedia) that the Okinawa Diet (I remember hearing about that one and decided that it would probably be too hard for me to manage on my own) is partially based on this premise.

This is something I have been noticing for the last week or two.  In the evenings when I have my shake I usually find that I still feel hungry when I am done drinking it - but I am done, so I stop consuming for the night.  Within about half an hour I no longer have that "still hungry" sensation.  This leads me to believe that I am actually satisfied with the amount of food I have consumed and that the sensation of still being hungry is actually (for me) all in my head.

Last night, being Saturday night (and the "finish work early" day) I cooked dinner (and had my other shake for lunch) and then apportioned it all out into 4 dishes so I could eat one and then freeze 3 for lunches. Just an aside, this is also how I have healthy, yummy and nutritious food for lunches, and is not a new practice for me. I sat down and ate my dinner and dutifully had my water... It was a slow and mindful meal - and at the end of the meal noticed I was still feeling "still hungry." Then, like clockwork, about 30 minutes later I really didn't feel "still hungry."

That was my "light bulb" moment (the one some people call their "Ah-ha!" moment) that second when I realized that it is OK to actually eat until I'm not "full" but that stopping where I did, would still leave me feeling SATISFIED.

Guess what?  I LIKE feeling satisfied!

Oh - and yesterday I actually had 2 different people at work tell me that they have NOTICED that I am slimming down - and congratulated me on the progress I am making.  I can't see my collar bones yet, I can't QUITE fit into my jeans yet, and I'm nowhere near fitting into my magic red dress... but DAMN, I'm feeling good!

November 7 (day 15) - half way there!

Excellent conference call last night - the speaker was also my coach... the topic? Emotional eating.

I learned a new tool to use when something happens that makes me feel overwhelmed and if I catch myself getting ready to binge:

Circumstance -> Thought -> Feeling -> Action -> Result

Press pause.

So the questions to ask:

1) What is the current circumstance?

2) What am I thinking?

3) How am I feeling?

4) What action am I about to take?

5) What will the result of that action be?

And then, once identified, re frame the questions...

1) What is the current circumstance?

2) How can I re frame the thinking

3) What COULD I feel?

4) What action am I COULD I take?

5) What will the result of that OTHER action be?

The bottom line is to really try to be aware of what choice I am making and what the potential outcomes of those choices are and then to look for OTHER ways to manage.

November 6 (day 14)

Today marks two weeks exactly since I started.  I also just finished the second set of deep cleanse days. I weighed myself this morning and am down another pound, so that's pretty cool.  Some people in our group say to weigh and measure the first day, the 11th day and the 30th day only - others are weighing and measuring on a weekly basis.  I'll follow the initial suggestion for the measurements & with the exception of my weigh in this morning (I just wanted to see what the result was after a binge day followed by two cleanse days) my next weigh in will also be on the 30th day.

It is official - I do NOT like the taste of Cleanse for Life - but understanding the benefits, I can suck it up and take it for two days.

The way the schedule works now, I'm on shakes for the rest of the 30 days, and I think I will cut out the BBB shakes until the next 14 days are over.

Overall (at the almost half way point) how am I feeling? Pretty good.  I can say I am sleeping better and I think that for the most part I haven't been having any brutal cravings. I noticed yesterday at work that my double chin *is* shrinking (yay!) and the fit of my trousers is loosening up as well.

Based on how I am feeling and how I am doing at this time, I had planned to continue with this lifestyle change, but yesterday afternoon I spoke with the branch manager at the office I am going to (its official and being announced tomorrow morning in our staff meeting so I still can't tell anyone) and now knowing that I have the job (and will be starting my new schedule on the 25th of THIS month (eep!) It was cemented.

I will need to order some meal replacement bars so that I can have bars for dinner while I'm driving home. To start with, though, I will stick with the shakes (I have 6 canisters of shake mix in my cupboard right now!!) and have the shake at 5 when the branch doors close and then drive home in a not hungry state!

OK - time to walk the dog!

***

I read somewhere (a very long time ago) that catch phrases, if not put together properly, can cause the opposite effect or thought from that which they actually intend - an example of that would be "don't drink and drive" - people chunk things out in their heads and negative phrases tend to be less impactful than positive ones. A few years after the initial catch phrase came out, the people who look at the psychology of selling came out with "arrive alive - drive sober." It really does make more of a positive impact, right?

Interesting thoughts sometimes come to me while I'm getting ready for work - maybe because usually I have just had a good walk and am in the process of doing something that feels pretty mindless.  In any case, today's interesting thought was about the phrase "lose weight."

I started to look at the word "lose" and the connotations and feelings it raises inside me.  Loss, fear, sadness, a feeling of need with no satisfaction... you get the point. So how can I rephrase this in my own head to make "losing weight" more palatable?

I work in a bank. People borrow money.  People repay loans. People repay mortgages.

I decided that I need to start looking at the excess weight I am letting go of as something that I have "borrowed" from the universe (with interest!  Ha ha ha) and that instead of losing weight, I am choosing to repay the loan of the weight I borrowed back to the universe. Instead of feeling like I am losing something, this concept makes me feel like I am repaying a loan.

And, as anyone who has ever repaid a loan or mortgage can tell you, the best feeling in the whole world is being debt free.

So there is is.  My brilliant shower thought of the day. I am paying back the universe for the loan of the weight I have been borrowing.  The universe can gift it to someone who needs it more than I do now.  I look forward to being debt free!

November 5 (Day 13)

Today will be cleanse day 2 of the second and final deep cleanse this month.  It is also a work day - and I'm asking myself "what were you thinking??"

Work can be stressful - food has been my go to solution for more years than I have... well, more years than I have been working.

Today should be announcement day - one of the other gals I work with has secured a full time job in a branch near her new home and evidently they need her yesterday - her last day with us is supposed (I think) to be the 15th.

And then there is me and my role in the branch...

I took this role a little over 2 years ago (it was 2 years ago back on September 27th.  The day my new job started was also the day I took possession of my house and moved in... no stress there LOL.

Last year at annual review time my boss told me that our account manager side of the branch was overstaffed by 60% (which happens to be the account manager percentage of my role) and that we would need to (as a team) ensure that we could justify my position in the branch by meeting all  of out sales and retention targets.  We did (I think - we just finished fiscal year end on the 31st) but we had far too much "white space" in all of our schedules through the year.  As a result, things were looking shaky.

So fast forward to about a week and a half ago - my boss approached me with a proposal from our RVP.  Evidently there is a branch (about an hour away) that has not been able to fill a mat leave posting and through some machinations they think to cover that with an AMCSR (Account Manager / Client Service Representative) from a branch that is about 40 minutes away.  The proposal is that I go fill (for a year) the position 40 minutes away, she will go cover the other one and my role will sit open (but unfilled) for a year and then at the end of the year I have a letter guaranteeing me a full time position back up here in the Comox Valley. To sweeten the pot, they will also give me an ad-hoc increase of $2 000 to cover my gas money that will not impact my annual incremental increase - whatever it may be. Oh - and the branch is a Monday to Friday branch with no likelihood of being changed to Monday to Saturday - so that means that for the year I will also be Monday to Friday (something I haven't been since I left the Channel Islands) and will actually have real long weekends for the entire year.

The catch is that at the end of the year, though guaranteed full time work, I am not certain what I will be doing or which branch I would be doing it in.  That is where there is no guarantee.

Today I should be finding out if they are going ahead with sending me to the other branch and what my start date will be.  It sounds like it will be sooner rather than later - so I may only have a few weeks left in this branch myself.

Means I better get the winter tires on my car ASAP.

Also means that I will be driving during dinner time and the shakes for dinner are the perfect way to ensure I am not eating crap for dinner on my way home AND that I am also not eating at 7 PM every night.

Clouds and silver linings, right?

November 2, 3 & 4 (days 10, 11 & 12)

Nothing much to tell you about Saturday - work day and then home that night... no real challenges to report.

Yesterday was weight and measure day - down a total of 10 pounds and 29 inches in 11 days.  I'm pleased with that.  I know it will not be 10 pounds every 10 days (nor will it be 29 inches every 29 days) but for an initial shock of the system I'm pleased.

Yesterday was also my planned cheat day - my parents came up to help me put up the floor moldings and trim pieces on the corners in my bathroom.  The cheat was a lunch that included chips and desert.

It was great and considering how well I did all week I didn't feel guilty about cheating on the diet through lunch.  I made egg salad sandwiches, we had potato chips and then lemon cake with fresh raspberries and whipping cream for desert - MMMMMM.

I *should* have stuck to plan after that, but didn't.  For dinner I ate the rest of the leftover chips and raspberries with cream all over them.

Bad action there.

Do I feel bad about it?  Not really to be honest - considering what COULD have happened this week, I'm OK with yesterday.

Back to plan today and not just plan, but a deep cleanse day - this starts the second set of deep cleanse days...

November 1 (day 9) Surviving Halloween.

The last three days has been a really strong test of will power for me.  My work week is Tuesday to Saturday right now... So that means that Sunday and Monday I did the deep cleanse, Tuesday I arrived to work to face two solid days of bakery tables right outside my office doors (and the smell of popcorn in the banking hall for two days as well) yesterday the Halloween Candy started making its presence known in the office... Today? Well...

Yesterday I had to cover CSR time and the person at the wicket beside mine had a dish of candies out for her clients.

And still, I did not cheat!

Today was a near thing.  At lunch I sat quietly eating my lunch... surrounded by a full table of people munching leftover candy.  At one point, the woman sitting across the table from me opened a Peanut Butter Cup package.

OH. MY. GOD.

I almost leapt across the table at her - I swear to God she was eating that thing so damn slowly the whole lunch room smelled of peanut butter cup.

And STILL I did not cheat!

I'm feeling pretty good about all of this - really good in fact. The last few days have had me "peckish" after dinner - part of that, I think, is the sheer volume of food I have been surrounded by all day.  I staved it off with half a dozen raw almonds one night - and the BBB last night and the night before also helped.

 I have lunch on Sunday with my folks to look forward to - I'm thinking I may make sandwiches and I have a small lemon loaf I picked up last night on my way home - the thought is that I find some decent looking strawberries and whip up a little whipping cream to go along with it.  Sunday morning I weigh and measure and hopefully there will again be positive results I can use as my carrot and limit myself to a VERY small portion of desert.

October 31 (day 8) BBB (Bedtime Belly Buster) Review

I did the BBB (Bedtime Belly Buster) last night. It's a whey protein shake (IsaPro) with either IsaFruits, IsaCalcium or some Want More Energy mixed in.

I have to admit I was (and still am) sceptical. The claim is that it allows you to burn fat overnight, meaning you wake up with a flatter belly. Other reported benefits were more of a satiated feeling (not waking up with the growlies) and deep sleep. Game to try, I mixed up a whey shake with IsaFruits (tasted OK) about an hour before sleep, had it, then my bath and then went to bed. Note to self: make certain to use the IsaCalcium for the rest of the experiment. My commitment is to give the experiment a week and see what the results are.  I should have measured... maybe I'll run this experiment for 2 weeks and do a morning and night measurement the first day and then a morning and night measurement the last day.  That should show me if there is credence to the claim...

My scepticism lies in the fact that unless something is seriously wrong in the universe, I always wake up with a flatter belly than the one I went to sleep with.  Food is digested overnight (thus the need for a bowel movement in the morning) and gas is expelled while you sleep.  Get over it.  People fart in their sleep.  As long as you don't ruffle the covers and gas out the person you sleep with, I say that it's all good.

Anyhow, yes, I woke with a flatter belly - was it measurable? I don't really think so - but I do think I slept better - very deeply.  And not sleeping well due to my obesity IS a problem for me.  So there is an immediate and measurable gain for me.

Let the experiment continue...

October 30 (day 7) Vegetarian Lasagne Review and....

Well, the lasagna was a hit!  OK - there is only me in the house, so really, I'm the only one who has to like it, but still.  I ate WAY too much... but first day of food after the cleanse, so I'm not utterly surprised.  after I ate and did some of the dishes, I portioned and froze up the rest for lunches.  I'm having that for lunch today with some raw veggies, and a little bit of home made apple sauce for desert.

All in all, I have to admit, I am feeling pretty good. I didn't get anywhere near enough water in yesterday - but since I was trying hard to avoid the temptation of the bakery table AND the smell of the popcorn machine, I'll write it off to a 1-off thing and hope that today (with out the bakery table, but I think that damn popcorn machine will still be there) I'll get all my water in and also not have no time to get my morning snack eaten.

The cleanse calls for 20 minutes of light exercise (like walking) a day and I'm managing that most days. I have a secret weapon - her name is Jasmine and she is my dog.  I'm getting in a 2 KM walk, 5 days a week.  These walks are early in the morning and it's time for today's... so on go the grubby clothes (nobody sees me out at that hour except for other people walking their dogs or runners - GOD I miss running!) and away we will go. I actually don't mind the walks (unless it is icy out - then I mind a little!) because they give me a chance to perk up a little with fresh air before getting really moving on the daily "getting ready for work" chore... Our 2-ish KM route is about 25 minutes, so I'm on target.

With some possible upcoming changes to my work, this will become even more important to getting my day started right!'

EEEEeeeeee!!  Just in from my walk and the grown-up version of the Christmas Wish Book arrived today - the Lee Valley Tools Early Christmas Gift Catalogue is here!!!!  EEEEEeeeeeee!!!!!

***

Decent day - but more small business fair meant yet another bakery's table set up outside my office door (and more popcorn) - I was strong though, and made it through both days of that without cheating.  I'm proud of how I have managed to stick to plan!!

Tonight I try BBB - the Bedtime Belly Buster...

October 29 (day 6 - back to shakes)

It's funny - I woke up around 3 AM (cat decided she wanted out) and my belly was gurgling. Not hungry gurgling - just air making its way around I guess. I'm still more than a little surprised at how not hungry I was through the cleanse. I don't understand it, but somehow it worked.

I decided to cheat a little and weight myself this morning before breakfast (and a cup of coffee - woo hoo - coffee!!) just to see where things stand.  Apparently coffee drinking can impede results and I wanted to be sure that I wasn't screwing myself over by having coffee in the morning before and with breakfast.

OH. MY. GOD.  I just took that first sip and I think my heart stopped with joy...

It appears I haven't been (screwing myself with coffee) - I'm down 8.5 pounds. Hold on, hold on, - don't get too excited - at least half of that is water weight. Having said that, 4 pounds of fat in 6 days is still above average loss. Now I'm eager to see what day 11's measurements bring... Day 11 would normally be the second morning of the second deep cleanse - but my second deep cleanse isn't going to be this coming weekend (I'll have company) it will be the following weekend.

This was good incentive to continue.

So what was my actual motivation to start?

When I was on Jenny Craig there was a saying someone gave me - nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. To be clear, I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be significantly slimmer than I am now - and healthy. I want to be healthy. 

When I saw my doctor in February he told me I was officially pre-diabetic and was at the stage where I HAVE to do something about my weight - I was (and am) officially obese - like I said in the Day 1 Post, 230 pounds was my start weight. On a female 5'6" frame that is too much. My scale also does a body fat percentage thing - the initial reading was 50%. I want to get down to 20% or 21%.

I don't feel good.I tire out way too easily.I feel ungainly and awkward and ugly and unattractive.I don't sleep deeply or well.

I don't want to use the word depressed - to me that is a word that describes a condition much different from how I feel. I guess being this size just makes me sad.

Anyhow, the first 5 days are down. 25 to go. Time to start revisiting and re-writing my S.M.A.R.T. goals - this set is definitely measurable!

***

Wow.  Today was a test and a half - and I'm DAMN happy I decided to weigh in this morning - it was motivation galore!

We are hosting a small business fair this week and outside my office all day today was a bakery table (they live up to their name; Heavenly Goodies) AND a popcorn machine!

Geez - how much testing did I REALLY need?

I escaped the delicious aromas at lunch and went grocery shopping - I picked up the fixin's to make vegetarian lasagna and also some of the needed things to make stuffed chicken breasts - both meals I found online... I admit it - I licked the ricotta cheese out of the tub when I was finished with it.  GOD it tasted good.  It's 5 to 7 now and the lasagna won't be ready for another 15 or 20 minutes yet, but I'm looking forward to it BIG TIME since I missed out on my morning snack because I was too busy and forgot to eat.

At 200 calories per portion (I am guessing mine will be a little more than that because i used more mozzarella cheese than the recipe called for) I can indulge... I plan to have  BIG piece and lots of water... the rest will be frozen in lunch-sized portions when the pan cools.

October 28 (day 5 and second deep cleanse day)

I REALLY miss real food.  I'm managing OK, and with the exception of the taste of the deep cleanse mix, the stuff I'm taking is all palatable.  I just miss the sensation of it.  I'm starting to plan my meals when I finish my 30 days.

That worries me a little.

I have been looking up recipes for low calorie meals and think I have a couple I can try that may be pretty tasty - a vegetarian lasagna, and a couple of other things.  I can cook up a whole pile of healthy meals for my lunches  - and plan to - just not on a cleanse day.  I think that may be a little too much temptation for me to handle.

I really want to succeed with this.

I miss food........

OK - made it through the cleanse - no cheating and all 100% on target.  It's kind of funny, but on the second day of the cleanse I wasn't even hungry.  I was a little mentally fuzzy, and I did get cold - a hot bath worked while I was in it, but once I got out again I was cold again.

October 27 (day 4 and first deep cleanse day)

I got a bit of a sleep in – until 8!  Took the cleanse stuff and turned on the computer.  It didn’t taste horrible (that’s always a bonus) – actually it kind of reminded me of a less sugary tasting cool-aid. I’m going to try and keep myself busy-ish today – take a drive to Qualicum to figure out how long the drive from home to that branch actually is (more on that later) and then over to an antique store that may have a good quality mitre saw and then to Nanaimo to pop in on Rob & Carrie if they are home. Will take cleanse-day-sanctioned snacks with me and make certain I have 2 or 3 bottles of water in the car with me as well.  Today is sort of a “wait and see” day for me.  I’m hopeful this cleanse day stuff will go well.

On a plus note, I was able to have a bowel movement - can see that I am going to need to "up my game" with fibre!!

Today hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I had worked it up to be. I've been feeling off and on hungry - but my stomach has been settled and when and if I get hungry, water seems to help.  

What I have noticed, though, is that all I can think about is how much I miss the sensation of food at each meal - the cream of sauces, the crunch of vegetables, its funny how much I really miss the sensation of food.

I started looking up recipes for lower calorie meals for next week - I think I have found a vegetarian lasagna that might be worth a shot - apparently its 200 calories per portion!  I'm thinking I will pick up the ingredients on Tuesday to allow me to make this and then make it Tuesday night.  It means a shake (or a meal bar?) for lunch, but since I am going to do this shopping at lunch time, that might actually be OK...

I miss food already.  This doesn't bode well for tomorrow.

October 26 (Day 3)

today was supposed to be cleanse day 1 (I am scared about that) but since it was a work day, I kept it a shake day – my weekends are Sunday and Monday and those will be cleanse days.  Eating the right amount of food at lunch made a huge difference and I wasn’t starving by dinner time. Craving pizza….. BIG TIME! I changed things up a little and added ½ tsp each of peppermint extract and pure vanilla extract to my chocolate shake – YUMM-O! Tasted like a mint meltie from Purdy’s!  No bowel movement today – that’s a worry.  Will take 2 more of the Isa Flush caps tonight – it’s sad that I am praying for poo!

October 25 (day 2)

Nothing special today – just work stuff.  Hungry again around 3:30 / 4:00. Am drinking tons of water and feel like I am peeing every 5 freaking minutes.  

I wonder if this is what pregnant women feel when they talk about feeling like they always have to pee.  

When I was running I was drinking way more water – by about 3 in the afternoon it would be clear (the pee, not the water I was drinking) but so far I am still peeing yellow-ish (granted, light yellow) at the end of the day. I actually sat down and read some of the material that came with the pack after work – I wasn’t eating enough “real food” over lunch – no wonder I was so hungry last night.  

I had a half a carrot with my dinner shake – much better.  Will have to ensure I am getting enough veggies. I was also able to connect with my coach and she also recommended that I consider bumping the Isa Flush capsules (end of day) to 2 or maybe 3 in case I start feeling constipated.  Took 2 before bed.  NEED to avoid constipation.

October 23 2013

My stuff arrived today – I think that instead of waiting, I’m going to start tomorrow.  The box had some sales materials in it – on further investigation they appear to be marketing material in case I decide to sell it myself.  No interest in that – don’t want to do direct marketing any more.

October 24 2013

Ugh.  First think this morning I had to weight and measure myself. I NEVER want to weight and measure myself – that’s horrible.  OK – yeah, I get it – it is done to show a true starting point, but crap! It came in at  230 pounds (holy fuck!) and I have an overall total of 415 inches? Shit.  I have a LONG way to go.  No wonder the doctor was telling me I had to do something NOW.

Overall, day 1 went OK – the shakes are actually pretty tasty and I don’t mind the taste of the Ionix Supreme – and from what I read, there are a lot of people out there who can’t stand it. On my walk with Jasmine this morning I noticed smells. I think the bakery must have been working overtime – cinnamon and  chocolate – but in different places along the walk.  And then at one place I would swear I was smelling Hyacinths – but since it is almost November that was REALLY just a hallucination.  I wonder if the diet will make me hallucinate?

I put my “real food” meal in the middle of the day (I don’t want people at work to know I’m trying until *I* know I can have some success – and blah blah blah – I know that my success is totally dependent upon the efforts *I* put in – whatever.

I was hungry (like real hungry) by around 4PM and managed to hold myself off from having my dinner shake until about 6.  Went to bed around 9 (usual time) and was still hungry when I fell asleep